woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You may now shotgun with the bride
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
