OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
