I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
