I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
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