I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
