hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
