Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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