Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
