weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
