i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You took a bar mat shot.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
