The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
