I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
