Well douche your snatch and let's go!
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
