y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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