You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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