apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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