In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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