how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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