I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize