It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to make out with him forever
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize