Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
