is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
