my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
