Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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