U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
