New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
