oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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