How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Randomize
