Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
