In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
