I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
