I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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