He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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