I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
