Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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