How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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