woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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