I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
