Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
pray to the hookup gods
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
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