I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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