I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
