just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
