Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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