she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
