Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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