somebody snuck up and got me drunk
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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