Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
