cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
