I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
