How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
