So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
