This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
