Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
