plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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