just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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