look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I need to align my fucking chakras
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
