The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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