Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
