a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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