tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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