This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
