I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
