first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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