someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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