Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
