I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Hippo gnu deer
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize