He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
