No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
