i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
