What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
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