I smell stomach acid.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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